It was a Friday.  Anne was in Colorado with Shawna for her 40th birthday.  I was at home in San Antonio with the boys.  Dalton had a baseball game at 5:30 so we got to the fields about 5.  As the boys were warming up I went to the concession stand to get Dalton some snacks.  I just walked up to the young girl at the counter and my cell rang.  I saw that it was Shawna and answered asking if she could wait a second while I ordered.  Shawna’s response was paralyzing. “We just found Anne.  She isn’t breathing.  We are trying to resuscitate her.  I gotta go! Call you back soon…”

I was stunned.  I stood there trying to absorb what Shawna had just said.  I snapped awake enough to place my concession order and blindly walked back to Dalton’s dugout.  I spent the entire game behind the bleachers hoping and waiting to hear word back from Shawna.   I started texting Mary Jane, Rachel and other family members, hoping to find out more information.

This is a continuation of Day 0, mainly because I didn’t sleep.  Our flight to Denver was at 5:55am, so we left for the airport about 4:15am.  I wasn’t getting any more information from the hospital.  I’m guessing Shawna was staying overnight at the hospital and likely a bigger mess than I was.  I was texting a few friends about what was happening, and Wes came over and spent a couple of hours with me until my brother, Darren (I have more hair), came in. Thank you, Wesley for staying up with me with random conversations.  I will always remember your kindness.

By 4am my brother had arrived.  I woke up the boys and we all started to get ready to head to the airport.  We were almost to the airport and I got a call on my cell.  It was the brain surgeon from the Denver hospital.  He said he needed to talk to me.  He was on Bluetooth, and everyone could hear our conversation.  I didn’t want the boys to hear what he had to say, but he insisted.  He said the pressure on Anne’s brain was critical and he needed to insert a shunt to relieve the pressure and needed my consent.  Anne wouldn’t survive another hour without it.  I gave my consent and then hung up.  I’m not sure how much the boys heard or understood, but either way my stress levels were piqued. 

Our first Sunday in Denver was emotional, but uneventful.  I left the boys asleep in the hotel room and went to see Anne.  A long creek ran on the side of the hospital and our hotel was across this creek.  It was a short walk and one we would traverse often, possibly several times a day.  Along this path was a fairly large mound that was home to prairie dogs.  Many times when the sun was out, you would see them venture out of their holes and scurry around.  I named them the Ninja Prairie Dogs or NPD for short.  Get too close and they might attack 🙂.  

When I reached Anne, her condition was the same.  She remained unconscious.  All we could do was sit and talk to her and pray.

At this point I had started to gestate some of the medical information that we were hearing.  Over time I would research and google to learn more about what had happened.  Anne had suffered an Arteriovenous Malformation or AVM for short and is considered a hemorrhagic stroke, i.e. brain bleed.  There are only about 400 occurrences a year of which only 10-20% affect the brain stem area.  Anne’s was in the 4th ventricle of her brain along the optical lobe. Although we wouldn’t realize the full extent of the damage for many more months. 

On the third day Anne still wasn’t awake, which wasn’t a big concern at this time but wished she would wake up.  When a person suffers a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) and isn’t conscious,  Doctors need a way to determine the extent of the injury to the brain.  How they accomplish this may vary at different hospitals, but at St. Anthony’s they would apply pressure to specific areas of the body and observe the body’s (mind) reaction.  The staff would pinch Anne, very hard, above her breast, closer to her armpit.  They would expect that the body would react by her reaching for and pushing away her hand.  They called this “localizing” and it was an indicator if the brain was functioning correctly.  Most often Anne was NOT “localizing”.  Anne would be pinched on the inside of her thighs.  A pencil would be forcibly pressed on the tops of her fingertips.  Over time she would be covered with bruises from the pinching.  This was difficult to watch but I understood why it was necessary.  These tests wouldn’t be necessary if Anne was awake, however she wasn’t.

Late that afternoon Anne was scheduled for two operations.  First they would attempt to embolize the AVM.  The surgeon would enter an artery in her thigh and navigate towards her brain and through the heart.  Once reaching the AVM the vessel mass would be strategically cauterized to stop the bleeding.  The second surgery was to break up a large blood clot.  Anne would have to deal with blood clots months after this surgery.  The fear was that a clot might travel to the brain and cause an aneurysm.  Both of these surgeries were successful. 

On the fourth day Anne still wasn’t awake, although she is showing signs of awareness.  We ask her questions and “feel” her squeeze our hand.  Are these just perceived signs?  Our imagination?  She is somewhat communicating, so there is hope she might be more aware.  When Anne was admitted her pupils were dilated and showed no reaction to light, however today her left eye started to react to light.  Her right eye was still dilated and showed no reaction to light. 

Oh yea.  It’s mid-April and it is snowing! Crazy.

I want to take a moment and talk about estate planning, which includes a Will, Durable Power of Attorney, Medical Power of Attorney and a Final Directive.  The last two are very important.  Anne and I had created all these documents in 2014. It’s not very expensive (less than $500).  I had the estate lawyer fax these documents to St. Anthony.  The hospital will ask for the Medical Power of Attorney so they know who is making medical decisions.  The Final Directive expresses the wishes of the patient.  Anne did NOT want to be kept alive by artificial means.  Anne’s family asked for a copy of her Final Directive, as they should.  Anne’s family was completely supportive of me and the care Anne was receiving, but they wanted to ensure Anne’s wishes were adhered to.  Having these estate documents will help you focus on your loved ones care and prevent undue stress and drama.  PLEASE get your estate affairs in order.  Doesn’t matter if you are married but especially if you are single!  If you are single, who is making medical decisions on your behalf?  A sibling, your parents or a child?  It is best for everyone if these decisions are documented.

On the fifth day Anne still wasn’t awake, and any progress that was made on the previous day was quickly erased as day 5 progressed.  The fever identified the previous day is likely pneumonia but could be some other infection. This is common when a patient is on a ventilator for an extended period of time.  If not held in check an infection could turn deadly.  The focus of the medical staff was to try to determine the source of the infection, which required tests that take time to analyze.  The in-between time is filled with just waiting.. and waiting.. I think everyone was getting a bit anxious.

The boys have spent much of their time with Shawna’s family a bit south of Denver.  I’m so grateful to Shawna for watching the boys.  They would have gone stir crazy in the hospital and hotel.  Other than sleep I had very little reason to be at the hotel.  I would try to get to the hotel by 6:30 or 7am to catch the shift change, to hear the reports of how Anne was overnight.  I would sit with Anne for a few hours.  Rachel, MaryJane and Elizabeth were on similar routines.  Sometimes we’d have breakfast together.  Elizabeth could find time to work in the waiting area.  We’d all tag teams throughout the day.  I can’t remember the exact day, but Frank and Justin would come into town soon or were already there.  My brother had gone back to Austin the day earlier.

On the sixth day Anne still wasn’t awake and her condition was starting to worsen.  Her temperature was continuing to rise and the pneumonia was causing other issues.  The concern was how much her progress would be affected.  I don’t remember all of the things that would happen over the next few days and some of my memories may be out of order.  I don’t recall why, but Anne’s legs began to swell.  They were bloated and very big and looked like they would burst.  She stopped responding to stimulus and seemed to be sleeping all the time.  Anne’s trachea tube is replaced twice a day, to help reduce the chance of an infection.  So many tests are being done that require blood draws, but Anne’s veins are collapsing.  A PICC is inserted to reduce constant vein sticking.  Anne is on a catheter.  She is being fed via a PEG Tube.  She still has a shunt in the front of her brain that is releasing pressure from the hemorrhage.  Anne’s right eye is still dilated and not responding to light.  Her heart and brain activity are on continuous monitoring.  Her breathing and oxygen intake are measured.  The review from the morning rounds was not as optimistic as had been the previous day.  This is how it goes in these situations.  Some days are good, and some days are bad.

Anne had many doctors.  So many that it was difficult to keep track who was who.  I could recognize many of them but could not remember their name or function.  I do remember the ICU head and the NeuroSurgeon, although I didn’t see much of either after the AVM was embolized.  There was also “the” doctor.  Yes, “that” one.  I had talked to him briefly a couple of times in the hallway but not about anything specific. 

On the seventh day Anne still wasn’t awake and it felt we were on a downward trajectory.  The fever persisted.  Now MRSA was entering into the diagnosis.  Was it pneumonia or MRSA?  Did one cause the other?  Did it really matter at this point? Treat the symptoms.  Get the fever down.  The fear was that the longer the fever existed the likelihood the infection would spread. At some point vital organs would start shutting down.  This would lead to a grave conclusion.  Anne’s body had gone through so much at this point.  How much longer could she continue?  

The previous day’s conversation remained stuck in my head.  I was starting to feel beat up and worn out.  Anne’s status hadn’t changed overnight.  The fever persisted and there wasn’t much positive news throughout the day.

We decided we needed a break of sorts and something to give everyone a release.  We chose to attend a Colorado Rockies baseball game.  Shawna brought the boys up with her family and we went as a group.  It was good to see the boys.  The rail was close to the hospital and we could take the training downtown and walk to the park.  It was good to see everyone smiling and enjoying themselves.

On the eighth day Anne still wasn’t awake and it was the day before Easter.  We would drive down to Shawna’s later Saturday and spend the night over to celebrate Easter Sunday.  The reality of Anne not recovering weighed heavily on my mind.  I hadn’t made a final decision but knew it would have to come soon if there wasn’t a change in Anne’s condition.  It wouldn’t be today and certainly NOT on Easter Sunday but the upcoming week would be evaluated on a daily basis.

I was worried that if Anne’s condition plunged downward that today might be the last time the boys would see her.  For the second time I would tell the boys to say their goodbyes to momma.  The conversation and reactions were very similar to the night Anne had the stroke.  I said that momma was fighting really hard but that the fever and infection may be too much for her body.  I told them that when they went and saw Anne to pray for her and say goodbye.  I said they didn’t have to say it outloud if they didn’t want to.  Dalton burst into tears and hugged me.  Dallas was quiet, looked down and also hugged me.  There are memories that constantly play over and over in our heads.  This is one of them.

On the ninth day Anne still wasn’t awake and now it was Easter.  The weather was nice and overall a pretty good day.  It was good to see the kids enjoying Easter.  I wish I had more memories from this day.  For Anne the week didn’t end with good news.  I was hoping for the best but fearing the worst.  

On the tenth day Anne still wasn’t awake and I wondered if this could be the beginning of the end.  Anne’s fever remained and was way too high. The morning doctor rounds were extremely gloomy.  Very little was said between the nurses and doctors.  Not much had changed.

Later in the morning I had to face the reality that Anne would likely not recover.  This couldn’t go on much longer.  Anne had endured so much up to this point, but her body wouldn’t be able to fight off this infection for much longer.  If nothing changed by Friday morning I would let her go.  I asked MaryJane (or maybe Elizabeth) to contact funeral homes and get information on what would be required to get Anne home.

My heart was breaking.  Throughout the day I would sit with Anne and play our songs and sing to her.  I cried so much.  I wished so much for Anne to wake up.  This was the darkest moment for me during our time in Denver.

On the eleventh day Anne still wasn’t awake.  I got to the hospital about 6:30am.  Anne’s fever persisted, hovering about 104, so the day wasn’t starting off any better than the past few days.  However a couple of hours later Anne’s fever broke.  The nurses came in for a round and noted it which caught my attention.  This was a really good sign that came out of nowhere.  For a week Anne had run a fever and now it was completely gone.  I felt her face and arms and they were noticeably cooler.  This was very good news, something we hadn’t had much of recently.

Would you believe it actually happened!  About 5:30pm Anne woke up!  Not just a little bit.  It wasn’t our imagination or perceptions.  We didn’t “think” Anne was awake, she WAS awake.  It was absolutely amazing.  She couldn’t open her eyes.  Her right was almost covered by the bandages from her brain shunt.  She still had a breathing tube in her mouth.  Both her arms were bound to prevent her from pulling out her peg and catheter tubes.  She didn’t have much movement in her left arm, although it was probably numb or asleep.  Her right arm was all alive.  Anne was completely conscious.  She could respond to questions by squeezing our hand.  We played “All Star” by Smash Mouth and Anne followed along and made the “L” on her forehead.  It was so wonderful to see her awake.   Amazing how quickly things can change.

On the twelfth day Anne is awake and still improving.  Now that Anne was awake there was increased activity around her.  All of her many doctors were coming in with the latest test results and were eager to be able to communicate with her.  So many positive signs.  I started to feel much better and would often give thanks to God for bringing Anne back to us.  She has had her ventilator replaced with a trachea ventilator, which felt like a huge step.  You could see Anne’s face and I was able to give her a kiss.  She is mouthing words but can’t talk yet due to the ventilator tube in her throat.

There are still many unknowns, and it looks like there will be a long road to recovery, but I feel we can relax a bit with the progress Anne has made the past 24 hours.

Anne has been fever free for over 24 hours.  The doctors are more comfortable with her progress and don’t feel there will be a regression.  One of the staff members that coordinates with the insurance companies stopped me and talked about what might be happening in the next few days.  Anne already transitioned to the trachea ventilator tube.  The next step was to plug the shunt valve on Friday and monitor the pressure in the brain.  If there wasn’t any buildup the shunt could be removed the following Monday.  Then she asked if we wanted to fly home on Tuesday.  Say that again!  Fly home on Tuesday.  Wow this completely blew me away.  I had anticipated that Anne would be in Denver for another 30 days or so.  I told her I absolutely want to get home Tuesday if that was possible.

Shawna and the boys came up and saw Anne and everyone was in really good spirits.  Having so much of Anne’s family there was wonderful.  It was a stressful and emotional time for everyone, and we all needed each other’s support.  Especially Anne and I.  I’m truly grateful.

Everything is going pretty good.  Anne’s brain stem valve is turned off and the pressure on the brain is being monitored and it is looking good.  If everything goes well over the weekend then the brain shunt will be removed and hopefully we can fly home on Tuesday!  The past 72 hours have been a whirlwind of wonderful news.

I gave Anne some paper and pen hoping that she could communicate by writing.  She couldn’t write except in scribbles.  I chalked this up as her being tired.  

The boys are back with me at the hotel and may fly home Saturday or Sunday with MaryJane.  But it is Friday and the boys and I will celebrate watching Avengers Endgame.  I’m looking forward to a less stressful weekend.

Everything is moving according to plans.  Anne is off the ventilator, but getting some extra oxygen to smooth things out.  She no longer has all the machines surrounding her in the room.  She does have the peg tube for feeding and the catheter.  The brain shut is still off and there is no pressure building up.  We are on track to leave here on Tuesday.

The boys and MaryJane flew back home today.  I took them to the airport and finally turned in Anne’s rental car.  I took over her rental car after the stroke and kept it while I was here.  I called the rental company and explained what had happened and requested that I keep it.  They were so nice, they even charged me $27.99 a day for a late turn in, plus another $35 a day for Car Class Change.  Over $2,100 for that rental. I don’t do business with that company any longer.  At least I didn’t have to pay for the ride back to the hospital 🙂

Almost ready to leave Denver.  A couple more days left.  I am looking forward to being at home but so unsure what the future will hold.  The boys flew back Saturday and today Dalton is pitching for the first time.  I missed it but I do have pictures and videos.  Anne is holding up well and am thankful for that.

I don’t have any pictures for this day so I’ll just share a post from Shawna, exactly the year before.

The brain stem has been removed!  Anne went all weekend without any pressure build up.  Another huge leap launching us to leave on Tuesday.  Anne is also out of the ICU and in a normal room.  We still have to garb up but another positive sign.  Anne also had her first physical therapy.  She seems so weak, but I’m guessing she will find her strength.  

And it’s snowing in Denver again. 

Flying out today!  Couldn’t have imagined this day just a week before.  We left the hospital around 11am and traveled to a small business airport.  I’m not sure what I was expecting but I was surprised (and impressed) when we arrived.  We were flying to San Antonio in a small jet.  I’m 5’9” and I couldn’t stand up straight on this aircraft.

Anne was on a very large gurney that looked very industrial.  I was amazed at how the pilots and paramedics maneuvered Anne into the fuselage of the plane.  Anne was aligned on one side of the plane and was flanked by the two paramedics.  There was a pilot and co-pilot and Elizabeth and myself were on the jump seats behind the pilots.  There wasn’t any cabin separation.  It certainly gave me a cramped feeling.

For many years I had high anxiety about flying.  In 1989, while in the military, several members of our unit died or were severely burned in a helicopter crash in South Korea.  Afterwards I felt uncomfortable flying and drove whenever I could.  Anne helped me through much of the anxiety when we flew together.  When she wasn’t with me I had a routine of playing music on my phone and bouncing my legs up and down to drown out the noise and turbulence.  As we taxied to take off I started my routine.